I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
