He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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