North Korea, Best Korea!
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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