I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
