whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
