I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
