i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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