So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
