I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
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making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
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A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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