We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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