winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
