dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
