I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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