M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
