Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
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still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
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So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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