Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
