Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
