FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I need to calm my uterus...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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