I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
