Screwed.edu
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
