I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
