Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Randomize
