I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
