that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
