so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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