when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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