one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
