My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
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Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
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It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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