Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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