were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
