wakey wakey hands off snakey
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
