So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
