I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
