ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
