I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
