I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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