when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
