I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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