i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
