Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
