yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
