I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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