i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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