Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
