I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Randomize
