can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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