So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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