sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
