after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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