I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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