I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
