I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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