You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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