Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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