i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
