i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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