when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
