If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
