remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
