Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
