That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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