ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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