Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
