Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
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