Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Someone signed my nipple.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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