He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
