his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Randomize
