so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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