No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
