Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
